That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
