i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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