Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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