We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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