look no pants
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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