just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
