you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
