y did u give ur computer a hand job?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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