ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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