Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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