dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Randomize
