Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
