just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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