Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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