I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
FUCK WHALES
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
