...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I checked into jail on foursquare
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He? As in you personified your dick?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
