I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize