The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
