Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
