I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
