I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
