brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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