I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
This is the high leading the old right now
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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