Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
