Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
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