the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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