Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
