it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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