as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
