I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
