well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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