you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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