I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
