So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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