super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
