Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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