I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
