why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
