Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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