Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
