I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
