Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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