Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
