i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
