Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
