too bad you live with your parents still
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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