so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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