Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
