guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
