I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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