lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
