He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Is it because I queefed?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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