What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
So apparently I’m into choking now
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
