Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
