I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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