I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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