how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
