dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Dick very happy bro
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
