I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I think a kid would responsible me up
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
