Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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