Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
