omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
