u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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