I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
