Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I think my moral compass just broke
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