no, he came in my armpit
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
