She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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