we have officially lost it.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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