New low: just hacked my moms facebook
im six kinds of drunk right now
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
