I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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