oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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