she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize