it wasn't lemon gatorade
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Are we still banned from the library?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
